Girl Talk
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: In which the three top women of the guild discuss the men in their lives. Err, rather, Mirajane butts in where she's not welcome, gives out advice that's not wanted, and enthusiastically teases Erza. Oh, and Cana gets drunk and laments about Bacchus. You know, the usual. - One-shot.


Girl Talk

"I feel like you haven't been in town forever."

"What are ya? Gettin' all girly on me?"

"No," Cana said with a roll of her eyes as Bacchus settled down into his seat. "It's just nice to finally have someone that can keep up with me around to drink with."

"I feel that," he agreed. "Or I would. If you could keep up with me, lightweight."

"Shuddup."

Giving her one of his grins, he started to retort, but it was then that Mirajane Strauss passed, carrying a round of beers over to another table, and his eyes found more interest in that. Cana took notice and, once more, rolled her eyes before calling out to her friend.

"Hey, Mira," she said to the woman. "Can we get some barrels over here?"

"Of course, Cana," she said, glancing back over at them. Throwing a down a wink, she said, "And you know I love it when you bring friends."

Considering it was such a rare occurrence, no, Cana didn't. Bacchus though only chuckled at the words before drifting his attention back to the woman in front of him.

"Hate comin' around your damn guild," he told her then. "Too many women. But-"

"-at the same time," she finished his usual saying about Fairy Tail for him, "too many women. Am I right?"

That time, the teeth came out in his grin. "You definitely are, lightweight."

"Stop calling me that."

"Touchy today, aren't we?" He was still glancing around then. "Hey, is Erza around?"

"Why? Lookin' to get your ass kicked?"

"Ha!" He banged a fist on the table at that. "You're on fire today, Cana. Really. No, keep this up."

"What do you want Erza for anyhow?" she asked. "Truthfully?"

"Ain't no one as fun to bother as Titania." Then his eyes fell to her again. "'cept maybe you."

"Here, Lax, set them down right here."

That made both Cana and Bacchus look up. It was Mirajane, of course, directing Laxus to lug over two barrels of wine to their table. The slayer seemed to be in his usual down mood and only grunted at the sight of the Quatro Cerberus member.

"Don't the two of you have somewhere better to get wasted?" he grumbled out through his frown. "There has to be somewhere-"

"Dragon, behave," Mirajane said with a frown to which he only rolled his eyes. "Besides, I like Bacchus."

"Yeah, man." Bacchus was rather brave, it appeared, and even threw down a second wink to Mirajane. "Your woman likes me."

"You-"

"Okay, Lax, that's all I needed!" Mirajane was quick to grab the man's arm and drag him away, though his smoldering gaze never left Bacchus. The drunk only laughed before starting on his barrel.

"Nice going," Cana said with a roll of her eyes. "What? Do you just live to get people all riled up?"

"And to get wasted," he assured her. "You?"

Still, she was staring after Laxus and Mirajane, the former glaring their way all the same.

"Maybe we should have gotten drinks at somewhere else," she mumbled. There hadn't been a chance for that though, as she hadn't even known that Bacchus was stopping by to see her, really. He rarely let her know in advance. Just showed up at the guildhall when he was around. Either that or sought her out at bars around Magnolia. It was much the same in the few times she chose to visit his guildhall.

"You think I'm scared of that one over there, huh?" Bacchus snorted. "The only one I'm concerned with around here is Titania. The rest of you are child's play."

"There." She nodded at him though she was moving to start on her own barrel then. "You mentioned her again."

"Man, you are turning into a woman."

"I am not," she retorted, though she wasn't sure why that should be such an insult to her. "If you came here for Erza though, fine. I'll go find her for you and-"

"I can come for more than one reason, you know," he grumbled with a frown. "And you're acting worse than the last time we saw one another."

"I was drunk."

"Ain't an excuse someone like you can use," he said with a shake of his head. "You're always drunk."

"It wasn't that big of a deal."

"Was too." He was chortling again and, that time, when she saw his teeth behind his grin, it wasn't as appealing.

That was the problem that she'd seemed to encounter with Bacchus recently. She was usually so nonchalant about all things. He was just beginning to get under her skin and she couldn't figure out why.

Err, okay, so she could figure out why, but she didn't want it to be the case. Not at all.

"Just stop talking about it," she grumbled as he snickered some more.

"I've had some ticked off women before," he went on, never knowing when to just quit. "But man, lightweight, you sure flipped. And over nothing! It wasn't like we had plans or somethin'. You can't just show up at the guildhall and expect me to be free, you know. I'm in high demand!"

"Stop talking about it." That time her tone was darker. "I'm serious."

"Just come and break up some date I have, showing up at the bar I was at like I shouldn't have some attractive lady with me. What do you think I do in my spare time, huh? Maybe around here you losers sit around and talk to one another, but I have a life, you know." It was that last wink that did it. "And a very excitable one at- Hey!"

Cana didn't even think about it. He was so distracted with himself that he hadn't noticed the card in her hand that she flung at him. The glowing item bounced off his left purple arm armor, but then, it wasn't meant to hit him. Only to get him to actually pay her attention.

"I said," she hissed, eyes dark, "to stop talking about it."

Leaning across the table then, his grin grew sinister. "You lookin' for a fight, fairy? 'cause I'll gladly pound ya into the floor, if that's what you're lookin' for."

For a moment, they had an intense glaring match going though, almost simultaneously, they both slumped back in their seat and looked off.

Suddenly having a drink with one another was a lot less appealing.

"Apparently," Bacchus grumbled as he got to his feet, "things ain't as smoothed over as I thought. Whatever though. Sure there's plenty of other bars to drink at than this shit hole."

Narrowing her eyes at him, Cana said simply, "Good riddance."

"You're a tough one to figure out, lightweight." And, with that, he staggered off, giving a slight wave over his shoulder as well as a request. "I'll be checkin' into one of these hotels around town. Got some business here for the week. You get in a better place, look me up, huh? When you stop being such a woman about things, I mean."

That about got him a card to the back of the head, but Cana was able to hold off. If she hit him (or even just tossed one at him), that would reignite the fight and she wasn't much up for that. Or being shown up. Because as much as she hated him in that moment, she'd hand it to Bacchus. He was a tough one. And she liked to think of them as friend, maybe even more, but at the end of the day, they were both capable mages with very big reputations. Not to mention they were essentially from rival guilds (in some sense of the word) and neither would ever allow themselves to be shown up by the other.

And that was how Cana ended up finishing off her barrel and was just starting on the one that was meant for her friend when Erza showed up. She was headed over for the bar, no doubt to order something eat from Mirajane, but stopped at the sight of Cana for some reason.

"Sour day?"

"Wha're ya talkin' about?"

Erza nodded at the other woman as she came to a stop in front of her table. "The expression you are wearing hardly looks like your usual one. You seem upset."

"Nothin' comes to mind," she responded. "You?"

"My day is as uneventful as all the others."

Says the woman that slayed monsters and saved hordes of people on a weekly basis. Cana only stared though.

"Bacchus was by," she said slowly after a moment. "Was lookin' for you."

"Really?" That time, it was Erza that made a face, just from name recognition alone. "How unpleasant."

Grunt.

"Was there anything specific he wanted?"

Cana shrugged. "Didn't say."

"Yes, well, when you see him again, please request that my name not leave his filthy snout again. It would be much obliged."

"Tell him yourself."

Erza, who had turned to walk off, stopped at that. "Come again?"

Cana wasn't _that_ drunk. No, she knew that if she wasn't even willing to go up against a sober Bacchus, then taking on Erza wasn't happening. Sighing slightly, she just stared up at the woman with depressing eyes.

"He and I probably won't be talking for awhile. Again."

Glancing around for help, Erza found that Lucy wasn't around, Levy was buried in a pile of books, and Mirajane was busy flirting with Laxus. Great. She was stuck.

"W-Well, that is unfortunate," the swordswoman said slowly, still hoping for one of the other women (or Happy) to swoop in at the last moment to deal with whatever situation it was she was finding herself in. No such luck. "Considering that the two of you enjoy one another so much. It is a rare occurrence, I am sure, for him to find someone that enjoys his rude remarks and drunkenness."

"Not according to him, it's not."

Was she really going to make her do it? Was Erza really going to have to sit down and talk about Bacchus? She hated to even think of it. Shouldn't Mirajane's match maker senses be going off or something? Huh? Why was she stuck with something like this?

Of course, what with all those erotic novels she read, she did have _some_ tips and tricks she'd learned over the years, but most of those didn't work in real life. She was assuming of course. Ha ha.

Ugh.

Slowly, the reequip mage took a seat on the other side of the table though Cana seemed uninterested with this and continued to sip away at the barrel.

"I am assuming that the two of you had a fight," Erza said then. It seemed to be a safe enough bet.

"You could say that."

"And that he said something to upset you."

That one got a shrug.

"Now," Erza went on, "you are upset with him and he has gone on to sleep with all your friends as revenge, but the two of you will be reunited soon enough and there is nothing to worry about, really."

Cana took to frowning as Erza stared.

"Is that a no?"

"Can't you go bother someone else?" the drunk asked with a frown. "There's nothing wrong here. Just move along."

"Perhaps I was off base with the end of what I said-"

"Perhaps," Cana repeated dryly.

"But," the other woman kept up, "there is clearly some sort of rift between the two of you. And though I think that should be preferable, considering who we are speaking of-"

"Taking into account that you're constantly busy lusting after a guy that enslaved and killed countless people," Cana said with an even stare, "I think that you should keep your opinions to yourself."

Erza's eyes darkened. "You-"

"Did someone mention Jellal?"

And then Titania about fell out of her seat as, suddenly, at her side Mirajane appeared, a very confused Laxus left up at the bar, staring over at them in shock.

"How did you-"

"Oh, Erza, I have a sixth sense about these things," Mirajane said as she sat down. "So you did mention him? Hmmm? What was it about? Something juicy?"

Cana only rolled her eyes as Erza glared.

"No," the redheaded S-Class mage told the white haired one. "And how is that you knew we were speaking of him, but did not notice this whole time that I was trying to get Cana to talk about Bacchus?"

Mirajane tossed a hand at that. "Bacchus and Cana are just friends."

"Jellal and I are just friends!"

"Sure." Mira giggled. "Just friends."

"We are!"

"I'm telling you, Erza, I have a sense about this stuff," the take over mage insisted. "Like how I know that Gray and Lucy are meant to be together."

"Natsu and Lucy are the ones that are dating."

"Gray, Natsu, what's the difference?"

Cana only rolled her eyes. "Not that the two of you aren't entertaining, but-"

"Demon." Then Laxus was over at the table, frowning down at the women, though his glare was mostly directed at his girlfriend. "You were in the middle of telling me how awesome I was back there. What gives?"

"Oh, Lax, I'm working."

"Working? You're sittin' around blabbing with Cana and Erza!"

"About work related stuff."

"Like what?"

"How Erza here's in love with Jellal." Mirajane wagged her eyebrows at her boyfriend. "Juicy stuff, huh?"

Erza's cheeks were about the color of her hair then. "Mirajane, if you do not knock it off, I will-"

"If," Cana complained, "I told you two what was bothering me, would you go away?"

"Oh? Something's bothering you too?" Mira glanced at Cana with a devious grin. "Do share."

"No. Demon, no sharing. We were having a pay attention to Laxus moment back there," the slayer complained.

"This is more important."

"You're gonna make me develop a complex!"

"Oh, the day you get complex is the day the world turns out to be flat."

"Mira-"

"Are you seriously upset with this, Laxus?" Erza raised an eyebrow. "I mean-"

"You stay out of this," he grumbled. "Jellal lover."

"You-"

"Guys, shush," Mira ordered. "I'm talking to Cana now. We can talk about Jellal later."

"No, we can't."

Laxus though only glared at the three of them. He'd known the women his whole life. Arguing with the three of them was futile. Especially when they were arguing amongst themselves to begin with.

"Five minutes, Mira," he grumbled, turning to head over to the table the Thunder Legion was occupying. "I mean it."

"Sure, dragon."

After he was gone, the demon gestured to Cana.

Sighing, the woman took a few more gulps of her wine before trying to tell the story as emotionlessly as she did everything else.

"Last time I went to hang out with Bacchus," she began as Erza continued to try and hide her blush and Mirajane leaned across the table, all ears. "I stopped by his guildhall to find him. I didn't even know if he was town. But some of his guild members told me that he was at one of the local bars, so I headed over. And…"

"And what?" Mira's eyes were practically perfect circles then, she was that intrigued. "Cana?"

"It's stupid."

"Then let's mercifully kill it," Erza suggested, starting to get to her feet. "If you are satisfied, then I am."

Mirajane only reached over and pulled the other S-Class back into her seat. "Go on, Cana."

Staring up at the ceiling, she said, "He was on a…date, I guess, and I don't really remember it all because I was drunk and-"

"What?" Mira could hardly contain her grin then. "What is it? Did you make a scene? Did you hit her? Did you hit him? Did he hit you? Tell me!"

Erza was trying her hardest to look uninterested, but Cana could tell from the way she was staring at her that she wanted the information as well.

"No," the drunk groaned with a roll of her eyes. "It was just…you know."

"Clearly," the she-devil complained. "I don't. Stop playing cool. What did you do? Huh? It's alright. This will just stay between the three of us."

"Right."

"It will." Then Mirajane frowned. "And the dragon, I guess. And Lisanna. Ooh, and Lucy-"

"Tell her," Erza said. "Else she will tell all of those people and more her own fabricated version of things."

"That might happen either way," Mira agreed.

Cana stared at the ceiling for a moment, thinking before she spoke again. "Like I said, he was out on a date and it kind of shocked me. But I had come all the way there, so I just went over to his table to at least talk to him."

"Did he reject you?"

"Reject her?" Erza frowned at Mira. "All she did was come to speak with him. What world do you live in?"

"Shut up, Jellal lover."

"I will kill you and your stupid boyfriend."

"Bring it."

"If you guys would rather fight-" Cana tried, but Mira's eyes were back on her in seconds.

"No, no. Go on. Laxus and I can kill Erza later."

The swordswoman only snorted. "The quicker you finish, Cana, I can teach them a thing or two."

Sighing, the drunk went on. "Anyhow, he invited me to have a drink with him and this woman. I could tell she was a little put out by it, but I didn't really think it was that big of a deal. It was just a drink. Or it was supposed to be. But me and Bacchus can never just have one drink, I guess."

"Not to be a bother, but I do only have five minutes here," Mirajane said. "Get to the good stuff."

"She could finish if you would stop interrupting."

"I'm sorry, Erza, are you even really needed here?"

"You would even be over here if it wasn't for-"

"Anyways," Cana said over them, "we both got more and more plastered. And, eventually, when his date went off to the bathroom, he started bragging to me about he was about to score with that woman and all this garb."

"And you went into a jealous rage?" Mira prompted, eyes alight. Erza only gave her a sideways glance.

"A moment ago," she complained, "you were insistent that they were just friends."

"Well, yeah, everyone's just friends at some point," she said. "And what happened to not interrupting, Erza?"

"You-"

"That's not the point," Cana told them with a frown. "I didn't care that he and that woman… I mean, I guess I wasn't thrilled with the idea or anything, but it's not like he and I…"

"If that's not the point," Mira asked slowly that time. "Then what is?"

"Well, while we were sittin' there, talkin' about it or whatever, he just suddenly asked me…"

"Yes?"

"To join them."

Cana was expecting some sort of reaction out of the two women. Mirajane only frowned some, looking off. She was into the whole thing for the romantic side. That, however, did not sound romantic. At all. And Erza, who felt like she was practically listening to one of her romance novels then, leaned forward to hear more, but didn't seem to be shocked either.

"Nothing?" Cana asked. "I mean, you're not surprised or-"

"I'm a tad uncomfortable," Mirajane said slowly. "I mean, I definitely bit off more than I can chew, but no, I'm not shocked."

"Neither am I," Erza said with a shrug.

"Huh?"

"Cana, he, like, basically wanted the same thing from me and Lisanna than once," Mira pointed out.

"Yes, and I have always thought of him to be a dog," Erza agreed.

That made the card mage glare at them. "He was joking that time, Mira."

"Uh, no, he was pretty dang serious, I think. And that's disgusting. More disgusting than… I mean, we're sisters and he still-"

"I've never been fond of him," Erza said. "Anyhow, did you do it?"

"Wha- Are you honestly asking me that?"

"I take that as a yes?"

"No." Cana huffed then, looking off. "What? Do you two just think I'll do anything?"

When Erza and Mira both only stared, the woman glared at them.

"Well, I don't, thank you," she complained. "I do have standards. And-"

"Demon." Laxus was back. "Five minutes have been up and Bickslow's really annoying me, so I need you to calm me back down. I'm thinking maybe we start with talking about all my prowess in-"

"Laxus, not now," Mira complained. "Go-"

"I said five minutes. Now come-"

"Laxus." Cana looked to him. "Do I look like I do threesomes?"

He blinked. Then, and it might have been a trick of the light, but it looked like the slayer blushed. Then he coughed into his hand.

"I'll, uh, give you a few more minutes to wrap up, demon," he mumbled as he headed back off to the Thunder Legion's table.

"Thank you."

"Was that the point then?" Erza asked. "That he asked you to join him and then the two of you…what? Got into a fight?"

"Well, yeah, we did. He didn't get why I got all offended or whatever and then we didn't speak again for over a month. Until he showed up today, out of the blue, like it was nothing." She didn't mean to, but she did look down at the table then, as if saddened by the thought. Cana did so well at being apathetic to what was going on around her, but sometimes, she just wasn't up for faking it. "Then…I don't know. I just couldn't hang, I guess. I was too _girly_ about the whole thing."

Erza, thoughtfully, looked up at the ceiling. "I suppose there are two things you could do in this situation."

"What?"

"You could act as if nothing has happened and go on with life," she suggested, "or you could agree to a threesome and then bring another man. Now that, is a plot twist."

"Or a sure fire way to get kicked out of Bacchus hotel room," Mira remarked with a frown. "Tell me, Erza, who was it that you brought with you to Jellal's then?"

Narrowing her eyes at the woman, Erza said, "I have never wished to harm you more."

Mira continued to stare at Cana though. "Since both of those ideas are useless-"

"Watch it, Mira."

"-how about this?" Sitting up straight, Mirajane said, "You just go seek him out and tell him how you feel."

Cana blinked. "Are you joking?"

"No. Why? Did it sound like a joke?"

Erza snorted. "Right. So back to my first suggestion. Act as if it were nothing and move on with life. Now, Mira, about that fight-"

"If you two are finished bothering me then, kindly leave, thanks." Cana went back to her wine. "This was a waste."

Well, Mira couldn't have that. Frowning, she said, "Cana, if you really want some advice, fine. Just tell me what you feel about the whole thing."

"What good would that do?"

"Have you told anyone?" Mira prompted. "Or even really thought it out yourself? No. I bet you've kept it buried and hidden, huh? Well, guess what? That won't do you any good. You guys will go back to just being friends and it will eat at you and he'll never realize that he did wrong. I mean, do you even really want to be with Bacchus? Or are you just upset that he assumed you were easy?"

Cana frowned. "I don't know. I haven't thought that much on it."

"Then you should do some thinking on it." And with that, Mira got to her feet. "But as it is, I have to go deal with my own problem right now. Who better stop picking on Bickslow! Laxus, I mean it!"

"They're my bodyguards, demon! I can do whatever I want!"

"He won't stop shootin' my babies," the seith complained.

"Behave, dragon!"

"No!"

As she headed off to deal with some of her and Laxus' usual self-made drama, Erza and Cana were, once again, left alone.

"Well," the swordswoman said slowly. "That was definitely…something."

Now that she'd gotten at least some of her problems off her chest, Cana was finally able to return to normal and only shrugged at the woman, face as bored and void as usual. Content then at least something had been resolved, Erza got to her feet.

"Let's…not do this again. Or at least not involve Mirajane," the reequip mage suggested.

"Agreed." Definitely.

Then, with a nod, Erza set off across the hall, far from Mira and her dragon as well as Cana and her barrel. Just how things were intended.

Resting her head on the table then, Cana shut her eyes, if only for a moment.

Did she want to be with Bacchus?

No. At least not how Mira was with Laxus. All in love and dating and… No. That just wasn't her.

But at the same time, she didn't want to be like Erza, constantly yearning, but never being allowed to grasp, no matter how long and hard she tried. That was more depressing than the thought of having a steady boyfriend that you had to remain faithful to sounded.

It wasn't until much later, when she arrived at their most frequented bar in Magnolia and she spotted him, hunched over the bar, drinking alone, that Cana knew what she wanted.

Bacchus didn't even lift his head when she sat down. Just mumbled out a, "Thought you'd never show."

"Yeah," she sighed as she flagged down the bartender. "Neither did I."

It took a few drinks to get either one of them to even rightly look at the other, but eventually, he asked, "So are we cool again? Or should I watch out for some flying cards?"

Staring down at her glass, Cana only shrugged and, with a sigh, Bacchus glanced up at the ceiling.

"If you're that pissed at me," he began and she was ready for him to walk out again. To go another month without seeing one another. Which shouldn't be too horrible. What man in her life was reliable? Friend or more? Even her father for that matter? "Then I'm sorry."

Cana thought she was too wasted to understand. "Huh?"

But he wouldn't look at her and her bewildered expression.

"Sometimes I forget, you know?" He shrugged slightly. "That you're not like all the other women I hang around."

"I'm not?"

"Of course not, lightweight." And then, when he looked at her, it was with a slight grin. "I'm not like all the other men in your life, am I?"

"Don't flatter yourself," she muttered softly which made him laugh and, at the sound of it, she cracked a grin too.

Then, raising the glass of whatever he was drinking towards her, Bacchus raised an eyebrow. "Loser pays?"

Considering she knew for a fact she had very little jewels on her and he would be stuck with the tab regardless, she nodded, raising her own.

"You're on."

So maybe the day had been a waste. All she'd really done was tell the biggest gossip in the guild that some guy propositioned her for a threesome and embarrassed Erza some. Not to mention made up with Bacchus (sort of). When she thought about it, that didn't seem like much at all.

The more intoxicated she got, however, the less she thought about it. And, like with most of her problems, in her mind that meant that it didn't exist.

So what if she wasn't sure what she and Bacchus were to one another? She knew that, apparently, he cared enough about her to actually apologize for something. That was a sentiment she'd never seen him pass down on someone before which had to mean something, right? And considering that even she didn't know what she wanted him to be to her, that couldn't be all bad.

Later that night, when she had passed out and, though he was the victor, he got stuck with both their tabs, Bacchus only paid them out before slinging one of Cana's arms around his shoulders and setting out.

"You," he grumbled to her as she bumbled along, hardly conscious, "are more work than you're worth. You know that, lightweight?"

"Mmmm."

As usual when she got that wasted, he bypassed Fairy Hills (then he'd have to deal with the other fairies and, honestly, she was the only one that he cared for) and took her straight to his hotel. Once there, he none too nicely tossed her on one of the beds in the tiny room before getting ready for bed himself.

Once his hair was down and his armor was off, he fell into the same, tiny bed, laying on his side, facing away from her.

"Don't choke on your vomit or somethin' over there, lightweight," he grumbled. "I ain't much up for having dead women show up in my hotel rooms. Least I don't make a habit of it."

And, when she was sure he was asleep, Cana only rolled onto her side to face him, not nearly as drunk as she liked to appear. If the idiot fell for it every time and paid the tab as well as gave her a nice, comfy bed to sleep in, why not? Eventually he'd catch on. But until then, she'd just keep using him to her advantage.

As Cana snuggled up to his back, resting her head against his guild marking, Bacchus only smiled in the darkness. Oh, he'd long caught on. He just enjoyed it all too much to let go it any time soon.

So somewhere between where Erza was in her (tiresome) denial with Jellal and Mirajane was in her (annoying) love with Laxus, Cana and Bacchus found their own peace. And sure, sometimes a boundary was crossed or a toe was stepped on, but in the end, the two drunks could weather it all and stay in their own little safe zone where they were both happy and content.

In the end, isn't that all that mattered?


End file.
